No offence dog lovers...just for laughs!!!
I read this joke in Reader's digest and found it hilarious:
I’m a dog trainer. Before I met with a new client, I had her fill out a questionnaire. One question asked, “Why did you choose this breed?”
My client responded, “I often ask myself this very same question.”
I don't know why but when I saw this post I immediately thought of the joke that was used in the Monty Python "funniest joke in the world" sketch - the one where the joke was so funny that people were dying from laughter and so it was used in the war to defeat the enemy! At the time of the sketch, only people who could understand German knew what the joke actually was but what it actually translates to is:
"My dog's got no nose!"
"Really? How does he smell?"
"Terrible!"
Hilarious! This topic needs more jokes, so here's my addition (I think this most accurately describes a dog, I just love this one):
The official dogs’ song?
“Every snack you take, every food you make, every can you shake, every seal you break, I’ll be watching you….
Dogs are the best alarm clocks.
When they want out, there’s no snooze button that could tame that.
A burglar is stalking stealthily around the living room of the house he's just broken into. He jumps with fright when he suddenly hears a voice behind him saying "Croaoak, beware, Jesus watches you"
He turns around, swings the beam of his flashlight in to direction the voice comes from and sees what indeed the voice had made him think once he was over his first fright: a parrot. The bird repeats "Croaoak, beware, Jesus watches you"
The burglar walks up to the cage and asks "And what may your name be? The parrot answers "Coco." The burglar sniggers and says "I've always found that a very stupid name for a parrot." The parrot answers "Maybe, but not half as silly as Jesus for a Pitbull terrier"
Q: What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog sleeping on your bed?
A: Quietly go sleep on the sofa.
Q: Would you rather have a 250 pound dog chase you or a lion?
A: Um… I’d rather he chased the lion.
What did the dog say to the tree?
Bark!
A police officer was sitting his car with his K9 partner in the back seat. A man walked over and asked, “Is that a dog in the back seat?” The officer said, “It sure is.” The man responded, “Wow, what did he do?”
Q: Would you rather have a 250 pound dog chase you or a lion?
A: Um… I’d rather he chased the lion.
Ah... a simple forgotten comma has diverted us from certain disaster!
A teacher at school asks her students a question.
Teacher: Peter, what is the meaning of "anecdote"?
Peter: Ma'am, anecdote is a short tale.
Teacher: Very good, Peter.
Teacher: John, please stand up.
John: Ma'am, why?
Teacher: Make a sentence using "anecdote".
John: Anecdote. My dog is wagging his anecdote every time I get home from school, ma'am.
I am looking for a leash-free relationship.
It was love at first sniff.
Thought this was relevant.
The noblest of all dogs is the hot dog; it feeds the hands that bites it.